My whole life I wanted a sister. I imagined if I had a sister I would have a tried and true partner – a confidant with whom I could discuss our parents, our emotions, growing pains and girl problems. Instead I had a brother. We argued, our goals in life were vastly different, and he constantly judged and ridiculed me. There is no way we would ever be partners.
I have been searching for that sister my entire life.
I was thankful to at least have a dad who would sit and listen to me when I needed him. But for 13 years he has been gone and the void he left is now growing larger. When I was in my late 20s and moved to Cairo, I met up with my female cousins. At last, I thought. I have female relatives who would share my interests.
Wrong.
Our cultural differences were so vast there was no way we would find a sisterly connection. I realized my search would have to continue.
When I became pregnant and had a baby girl, I prayed she would eventually have a sister. When my second daughter was born I was so thankful I cried. I understand I cannot be their sister – I need to be their mother – but I do see the life I wanted to have through them. They are exactly what I imagined sisters to be: loving, laughing and intense. They play, they crack each other up and they collaborate to deceive my husband and me. I actually like when they do that – it shows me they are bonding together even more.
Because I so longed for a sister I often pinned expectations to others who could not (or, rather, didn’t want to) meet them. Every time I met a girl (or, now, a woman) with whom I could connect, I assumed she felt the same desire to be my replacement sister. Many of these women already had siblings to whom they were close (no wonder they were so attractive to me) and didn’t have the need for another one. But I did. And I didn’t understand why they wouldn’t be there for me the way a sister should be.
Um, hello – maybe it’s because they weren’t my sisters.
I also realize asking someone to be a sister is a huge demand. That means allowing them completely into your life, no holds barred. Wow. Come to think of it, that’s a tall order. All it takes is one big argument to realize you are not kin, you are just kindred spirits.
So I’ve decided to end my search and focus on my life as it is now. I have a great family and friends. Perhaps I do have all I really need.
Photo courtesy of stock.xchng
2 comments:
my sister is 14 years older than i am. She left home when I was 5, so I didn't really have a sister. She's on the opposite coast, and her work keeps her there.
When I got married (the first time), in my late 20s, I didn't have many great girl friends, and I stuck out the olive branch, and asked her to be my matron of honor. She accepted and embraced the role, made my dress (she's a ballet company wardrobe mistress), and became a part of my life again.
She was recently visiting NYC with the ballet co, and we were able to spend a lovely time together. When she returned home, and posted on facebook, "I miss my sister", my heart melted. We're not super-close, but she's on my side. It's a great feeling.
Wow, Beth, what a great story. See? Even 14 years apart and there is still a special bond between sisters that is undeniable. I'm so happy for you.
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