This post, entitled, The Need For Speed, originally ran on March 20, 2007:
Back to Sunday afternoon. I glanced at my watch and saw he was preparing something involving sweet potatoes. Our kids usually eat between 5:30 p.m. and 6 p.m., so I assumed he allowed enough time to fix the meal. At 5:30 I walked through the kitchen and saw him whipping something up; his laptop computer was perched on the counter and open to some kind of recipe he had found online. The kids started to ask when dinner would be ready. Dear Husband grunted, and we left him alone.
At 6:30 p.m. – two hours after he began – he announced dinner was ready. We were all starving by then and I couldn’t wait to see what gourmet meal would be set before us on the table.
Wait for it…
I looked at our plates: we each had a breast of chicken (prep time: 10 minutes), some peas (5 minutes) and sweet potato fritters.
“Wait,” I asked. “Where’s the rest?” With all that time spent mixing, whipping and frying, I was expecting something mirroring a Thanksgiving feast.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
I took a deep breath and paused for a moment because I didn’t want to appear to be ungrateful. I am very happy with our pact and I didn’t want my husband to think I was criticizing him. But it took him two fricking hours to make this dinner? He had to be kidding.
“You realize you’ve been cooking for two hours, right?” I said, sitting down.
Thankfully, he laughed. “Yeah, I know. The fritters took forever.” (Um, an hour and forty-five minutes, to be exact). What’s worse, the fritters were greasy and unappetizing. So I stuffed myself with a pound of peas and as much chicken as I could stomach and just kept my mouth shut.
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with men? Why does it sometimes (read: most times) take a man 10 times longer than women to complete most tasks? Ask any married woman you know and she will quickly nod in agreement with what I just said. Men - there is, simply put, a need for speed.
Part of me used to think my husband’s slowness was passive aggression. Then I discovered he was in a very, very large club of husbands who did things at exactly the same tempo – glacial speed. How many times, ladie, have you said to your husband, “Could you please just give the kids a snack?” only to look at the clock 15 minutes later and find your children climbing the walls because they are so hungry? Then you look for your husband and discover he thought he should re-caulk around the bathtub before he fed them something. The male thought process (or lack thereof) is a complete mystery to me.
Most days I just ignore my turtle-paced spouse and repeat my favorite mantra: “My kids will be fine.” Other days, I do what needs to be done myself. And some days, I lose my temper and beg him (okay, yell at him) to get moving. Those are the worst days because, as if to taunt me, he goes even slower.
2 comments:
Oh boo hoo! I've been with my husband for 12 years now and anything more than pouring a bowl of cereal for the girls or perhaps making a peanut butter sandwich is all that he has ever done. And he has never even so much as washed a dish let alone caulked a bathtub. I blame this mostly on his parents - who divorced when he was a baby. He only saw his father for a couple of weeks in the Summer and therefore never learned to do any manly things, and his mother didn't cook. He was raised on tv dinners. And it seems as if no one ever made him do anything. Now mind you, my husband was Valedictorian of his law school class and is a brilliant lawyer, so they did something right. I beg my friends with sons (or daughters) to please teach their children how to get around a kitchen, learn to do their own laundry, help with the chores. Because even though I only gave birth to two children, I have three. My friends wonder why if I'm a stay-at-home mom I'm constantly swamped with things to do. All of these women have husbands that contribute around the house. I'm not so fortunate. I guess it's up to me to see that things change around here. And I have made some headway. He actually empties the dishwasher now. It's a start, but we have a long way to go.
Hi Anonymous: I agree - his parents raised him poorly and he should contribute more. But I heard something once that has always stayed with me: people treat you the way you let them. So, if you want him to lend a hand, you have to ask for the help. Women often "expect" men to do things without really being clear. We think they should be mind-readers (and, really, why aren't they?!) but in reality, they don't do things unless they're asked. Which is hard for women like me who'd rather bite off their arms than ask for help!
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