Eating Disorders

“Look how much I ate, Mommy!” Lily said to me the other night. I cringed when she showed me her empty plate.

“Wow, you must have been hungry,” I said.

“I was!” she said, smiling.

I have never praised my children for eating well. In fact, no parent should ever praise a child when he or she eats. To do so is the same as saying, “Wow, great job breathing!” or “Hey, good for you! You slept last night!” Eating is a necessary life function and there is nothing praiseworthy about it.

Yet I see a lot of moms and dads doing exactly that - they applaud their children for “eating everything on the plate.” Every time I hear them do it – especially in front of my own girls – the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention.

My therapist, who sees many children with eating disorders, says kids should learn to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. Luckily I read this advice long before I had kids and I have never been a member of the Clean Plate Club. I also discovered if you make food a battle, your child will be the worst eater on the planet. So, for as long as I can remember, I have just let my kids leave the table, even if it meant they have a full plate of food. I also keep the plate sometimes, because I realize I could have missed their hunger moment. (If we are at a park and my children choose to play rather than eat - especially if I know they are hungry -however, that is a different story. If their sandwiches are still good, I offer them to my girls. If not, I say, "It was your choice to play. Lunchtime is over. I will happily get you something when it's snack time." I tell them this because I think kids should respect mealtime and, again, learn to eat when they are hungry.)

At Aimee’s school the teachers tell them something I adopted myself. When it’s time for lunch they say, “Eat your growing foods first.” Meaning, eat your sandwich and then your fruit (or chips or whatever). They aren’t telling the kids to eat everything, they simply explain certain foods help you grow and become stronger.

I love that.

I once read an article on Daughters.com by a woman who suffered from an eating disorder. She said, “I wish people had commented more about my heart, my kindness, and my ability to make friends rather than about what I was eating or not eating.”

As the mother of two young girls, I worry they will fall victim to society's perception of what a woman should look like. How can parents protect their children from going to anorexia or bulimia route?

Thankfully, parents can actually do a lot, according to this article on kidshealth.org.

Eating disorders in the United States have an alarming rate. “They're so common in the U.S. that 1 or 2 out of every 100 kids will struggle with one, most commonly anorexia or bulimia," the article state. "Unfortunately, many kids and teens successfully hide eating disorders from their families for months or even years.”

Younger and younger children are also beginning to care about their weight as well. “Research shows that 42 percent of first- to third-grade girls want to be thinner, and 81 percent of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat. In fact, most kids with eating disorders began their disordered eating between the ages of 11 and 13.”

Of course parents play a powerful role in determining if the child will have an eating disorder. Helping a child establish a strong sense of self and fostering good self-esteem is crucial in helping a child avoid such a problem. Additionally, if a parent constantly discusses his or her weight, goes on yo-yo diets, discusses exercise (or, more likely, bemoans it), and is critical of his or herself, a child will mirror that behavior. Parents should involve kids in preparing healthy meals and allow children to stop eating when they are full. Kids need to learn to pay attention to their bodies and eat when they feel the need, not just when the clock tells them to.

To read the entire story and to learn more about eating disorders and to know the warning signs of disorders, including binge eating, anorexia and bulimia, click here.

Photo by Alice Carrier, courtesy of stock.xchng