Winning The Strong Will Battle

A battle I often fight with my youngest daughter is held at mealtime. It’s not that I’m trying to get her to eat; it’s how I get her to eat. My demands aren’t outrageous, either: I just want her to eat without using her fingers and without playing with her food.

Is that so much to ask?

I remember going through something similar with Lily. Every time she used her fingers I would take her plate, set the timer for one minute and give the food back to her after the timer rang. This took only a couple of times and she never used her hands again. (My friend Lisa once told me raising kids is a lot like dog training. She is so right.)

Then came dear, sweet Aimee. Born with the middle finger extended, a stronger will and a keen desire to get a reaction, this child enjoys fighting back. The other night I took her plate away three times and each time she would scream, “I’m hungry! I’m hungry!” (Note to parents: when kids have this type of reaction you know you are getting to them and that what you are doing is working. They know food is important to parents and they also know a mother doesn't want her child going hungry. But Ladies and Gents, don't be fooled. Kids will eat when they are hungry, and when they test the boundaries they are usually full).

I replied, “Good. Then you will use your utensils when I give you your food back.” I waited until the timer rang and put her plate back on her placemat.

After the third time she used her fist to stuff some rice in her mouth, I thought, “This isn’t working.” I know Aimee is the type of child you cannot give a million chances to - just like with tickets, there cannot be a lot of threats, just immediate consequences. So I said, “Aimee, no more chances. Next time I see you do that, the meal is over.” She ate almost ever bite without using her fingers, but when I could tell she was full, she began testing me again.

“You may be excused,” I said, taking her plate. “Dinner is over.”

She began to yell, “I’m not done! I’m not done!” I knew she was furious because I didn’t let her get to me and, more importantly, because she couldn't control the situation.

I ignored her and cleared it. I then gave her a ticket for screaming at me.

At lunch the next day, she tried it again. This time, I told her she had one chance. She obliged for a while and then, same as the night before, took a piece of spaghetti in her hand while eyeing me and dropped it slowly into her mouth. I took her plate and said, “Meal’s over. You may be excused.” This time she did not argue.

“Okay,” she said, stepping down from her seat.

Sigh. This is going to be a lesson we will both have to work at to learn.

Photo by Asif Akbar, courtesy of stock.xchng