A friend wrote and asked me how the ticket method was working for me. (Click here and click here to read more on that subject.) I started it a couple of months ago and so far it’s been working really well (I’m knocking wood, rubbing Buddha’s belly and crossing my fingers as I type, which isn’t easy, trust me).
This method is fantastic for the strong-willed, hard-to-break child. Those of you who have such kids know who you are. (Do you have an ‘I won’t let this toddler beat me down’ attitude, mixed with an uncompromising feeling of despair and hopelessness? Yep, you’ve got one of those kids.)
For those who want to try this method at home (and trust me, you do), I suggest the following strategy: first of all, take several deep breaths and tell yourself you are going to kick some toddler (or school-age) ass. Second, if you don’t have a clipboard or something like it in the kitchen, get one (we have a blackboard so it’s easy to magnetically tack up the tickets in plain view for the kids to see how they are doing). Third, decide how badly behaved your child is and cut as many tickets as you think he or she would be able to beat. (I cut out strips of paper and put Aimee’s name on some and Lily’s on the other.) For example, when Aimee was at her peak of toddler bitchiness, I started with 10 tickets per day. She, therefore, had 10 chances to test her luck with me. Each time she violated a rule (screamed at me, hit me, threw something at me, didn’t listen, etc. – sheesh, what a nightmare I endured, by the way) I took a ticket and placed it on the board.
The key to this method working, folks, is this: there are no second chances, no threats. You cannot say, “If you do that again I’m taking a ticket.” (I admit I’ve slipped a few times and always regretted it.) Instead, you must take the ticket immediately and say, “That’s a ticket. You lost one ticket because you hit me and we don’t hit.” Make the explanation short and sweet, no lectures. Also, make the end result attainable. You want your child to succeed. If he or she is really badly behaved and loses all tickets you must follow through with the consequence. (In our house, if you lose all your tickets for the day you are sent to bed half an hour earlier with no books. When this happens your children will be very upset and will swear on your grave they’ll behave, but when they do, do not balk. Instead, kiss them quietly and say, “Tomorrow is a new day to show me what you’ve just promised.” In the three months since I started tickets Aimee has had to go to bed early about five times and Lily only once. Each day after they lost all their tickets I see stellar behavior. I kid you not. This is how I know the ticket method works.)
After a week or so of doing the ticket method, cut the amount of tickets you give each child in half. I give Aimee five tickets a day now and Lily only has two. (I feel older kids need fewer chances because they should be used to the rules by now.)
If anyone has any questions or thoughts, feel free to e-mail me at areluctantmom@yahoo.com or post a comment right here.
Photo courtesy of stock.xchng
2 comments:
Every time I start thinking I should implement tickets we go through a period of relative calm and I forget about it. Maybe now, while I'm not so furious/mortified/desperate, is the time to start.
Any recommendations on how to use this to encourage respectful speech? We need a consequence for back-talk. Now that I think about it, maybe I'd love a whole post dedicated to smartmouthitis and effective treatment thereof.
SWE, I use the ticket method for backtalk all the time. I forgot to add to this post that I taped up a list of rules (including "speak nicely and politely," and "no backtalk") to Aimee's bedroom door so there would be no confusion. I went over each rule with her beforehand. Try that and let me know if it works. The fresh mouth gets only worse when they enter grade school (hearing other kids, etc)
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