Do As I Say

One great aspect about meeting moms who parent the way I do is being able to share information. My friend J and I have similar parenting styles (although, naturally we also disagree at times). Yet whenever one of us has a problem, we call the other one up and ask for advice. Most times we help each other and suggest a plan that worked for us. If we have try something the other suggested and failed, however, we will listen and say, “Huh. Well, kids are different.” Because, frankly, kids are different. What works for one child does not necessarily work for another. To me, this is part of the process: discovering what methods are helpful and what aren't.

Not all moms think the way I do, however. There is a mother in town who refuses to believe her way is not gospel and whenever I run into her I think, “Oh, man. Here it comes.”

I was at the community pool with the kids when the woman spotted me and asked me to join her. We were talking about her son, who is entering sixth grade. He was wandering around the pool alone, not really talking to anyone or going swimming. She told me she was considering putting him in private school because he was being ostracized so badly by the other boys in his class. She said she watched him walk up to a group of boys at the pool and say hello. The boys looked to see who was talking to them, saw it was her son, and turned away without answering.

“It’s terrible,” she said.

I cannot imagine how hard it must have been to witness his feelings getting hurt. Middle school is brutal for kids who are not outgoing and popular. Her son also has behavioral problems and other issues, so he has become and easy target for bullying. I spoke to her about Lily being bullied at school and she immediately flipped the situation around. She began telling me what I should and should not do.

“No, wait,” I said, holding up a hand. “Lily handled it. She put the bully in her place. It’s not an issue right now.”

She ignored me and continued to tell me how I should enroll Lily in soccer to teach her how to work with a team.

I shook my head. “Lily doesn't like soccer,” I said. “She did it for two years and never wanted to go back.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “Make her do it. It’s good for her.”

Huh? I looked at her in amazement and realized she wasn’t listening to me. I then realized she probably doesn’t listen to her own kids much, either.

I told her Lily was already involved in swimming and dance classes.

“No. They need a team sport,” she said.

Um, because swimming and dance are not team sports? Come on. This woman is experiencing problems with her son yet her concern was Lily. I just nodded my head and then glanced at my watch. “Wow, look at the time,” I said. I motioned for my girls to get out of the pool and said good-bye.

Know-it-all moms worry me because they refuse to believe that their way may be the wrong way. She has three daughters in addition to her son and my guess is she uses the same disciplinary and coping methods for all four children. I felt sorry for her son because he was probably a victim of his mom's arrogance and hubris. I hope things change for him next year because I would hate for her ego to get in the way of his success.

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