Neither A Borrower...

A few years ago something happened with my girls that taught me a lesson. The incident is barely worth mentioning except it reared its head again the other day and irked me enough to want to write about it. My daughters are friends with two sisters down the street and these girls kept asking to borrow my girls’ toys. I really didn’t care because the items they wanted to borrow were simple figurines or stuffed animals, nothing expensive or important. I made it clear to my girls that if they lent these items they may get lost. Both Lily and Aimee shrugged at the concept of never seeing their things again and so I allowed them to hand their things over.

The problem, however, was the sisters and their mom. Every single item in their house (and trust me, they had millions) was of great importance to them. So the one time Aimee came home with something I got a call a day later asking when it would be returned. I hated being responsible for a stupid $2.00 Disney figurine and put an end to the swap meet. My girls were careful with what they borrowed and never lost anything, but I hated feeling anxious about a stupid chotchke. My girls couldn’t care less about what they gave away but these girls did, so we were the ones always burdened with the stress of keeping track of these things.

I decided to put my foot down and banned borrowing. A few years later another girl and her sister came over for a play date. They, too, wanted to borrow something and I said we didn’t do that. “I don’t mind, Mommy,” Lily said to me in front of the girl and her mom. “If she loses it I don’t care. I don’t play with it anymore.”

What could I say? “Fine,” I caved.

A month later the younger sister came to our house with a small purse and her mom’s old cell phone. She saw that Aimee had one of my old cell phones as well and asked to swap. I explained to the mom that I banned the practice of exchanging things because I didn’t want to be held responsible. “Don’t worry about it,” she said. The girl insisted on borrowing Aimee’s phone and when I tried to explain, the mom gave me a look that said, “Don’t worry if it’s lost.”

So I didn’t.

You can probably guess the rest of the story. I ran into the girl and her dad last week because the girl was enrolled in a class at the recreation center with Aimee. The girl didn't greet me, she didn't smile, she just asked, “Where’s my phone?” (It has been three months since I last saw her, mind you.)

The father said she had been going on and on about this phone when she discovered Aimee was in her class. I was irritated because I made it clear to the mother that it was not my responsibility, but the father had no idea. I also was annoyed because the girl had Aimee’s phone but nothing was said about it.

When I picked Aimee up, I saw this girl and the first thing she said was, “Do you have my phone?” Her mom was with her this time and said, “Oh, she’s so upset about this silly phone.”

I wanted the mom to explain to the child that it was her decision to exchange phones. I also wanted the mom to say, “Do you have Aimee’s phone?” But, as always when I am confronted with stupid people, I am rendered speechless. I have a very sharp tongue and one that is not usually censored well, so when I get into situations like this I can either be caustic or idiotic. Because I actually like the mom and dad, I was the latter.

When we got home I asked Aimee if she knew where the phone was. “Yep, it’s downstairs,” she said. I asked her to get it for me and we put it in Aimee’s lunchbox for the next week, which was yesterday. When I walked in the door, I handed the phone to the mom and she thanked me. I was late for my exercise class and didn’t stick around to chat.

I thought about this situation and wondered why these two sets of girls were so attached to their toys. My girls have a couple of favorite items (such as their American Girl dolls and one or two stuffed animals) but overall they are fine with sharing and lending their things. In fact, they never once asked where those things were once they handed them over. I can only theorize based on what I know about both of these girls. I know these girls are constantly doted upon by their parents and grandparents and the number of toys and knickknacks in their houses outweighs their clothing. I also know they both bicker constantly with their sibling over their toys and have not been taught to share well or respect each other. I can’t be sure why they behave the way they do, but I can be sure I don’t get roped into dealing with their silliness.

Or, then again, it could just be that my kids are complete morons and have no clue when to worry about their things. Either way, I'm done.

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