Not-So-Super Nanny

When we lived in Manhattan I used to take Lily, then just a baby, to the park. As I pushed her on the swing I would see all the neighborhood nannies and their charges. The women would sit, either in groups or by themselves, while the kids would run around the park, often out of eyesight. Those who were alone would chat constantly on their cell phones and many times the children would be crying or unhappy, ignored by their sitter.

About a year ago I was at a nearby park in New Jersey with my two girls. I noticed two brothers playing. One was just barely 2 years old and the other was 3. The two of them were climbing up a dangerously steep and twisted slide, and I glanced around looking for the boys’ mother.

“Look what I can do!” the 3-year-old boy said to me.

He walked up the slide without holding onto the side. His brother, who was much more unsteady on his feet, tried to do the same.

“Whoa, wait!” I said, catching the boy.

He was seconds away from falling off and would have been badly hurt had he done so.

“Where is your mom?” I asked, now very concerned.

“She's not here," the older boy said. "We’re here with our babysitter.”

I looked around, thinking by now she would have seen the boy fall. “Where?” I asked.

He pointed to a clump of small trees at least 50 yards away. There, lying down on her back in the sun with her sunglasses on, was a young au pair. She was with a friend and they were sunbathing. (Sunbathing, I tell you!)

I brought the boys down from the slide and told them to wait. I marched right over to the young woman and said, “Excuse me, are you taking care of those young boys?”

She slowly sat up, annoyed that I had interrupted her. She looked at the brothers and said, “Yes.”

I told her what had happened. “If I were you, I’d stand a bit closer to where they were. He could have gotten very hurt.”

She shot her friend a look that said, “Can you believe this lady?” and got up. Slowly she inched her way toward the boys. “Come on,” she said to them. “Let’s go.”

I went back to that playground many times after that incident hoping to run into the boys’ mother so I could tell her how badly the boys were ignored. What if I wasn’t a mom but, rather, someone with bad intentions – do you realize how easily I could have taken one, or both, of those children? Unfortunately, I never saw those boys, or the mother, again.

The final example of nanny neglect happened yesterday. I had a half an hour to kill before I had to pick up Aimee, so I did what all good moms do – I went to TJ Maxx. While there, one woman had a Bluetooth attached to her ear, a 7-month-old baby in her arms and a 3-year-old girl following a few feet behind her. She spoke incessantly on the phone while she held the baby, cruised up and down the aisles and did her shopping. I don't think she glanced at the young girl once. The girl dutifully walked behind her but was clearly bored. “Can we please go now?” she asked the woman. “When I’m done,” the nanny answered, again not looking at the girl but checking out her merchandise in the cart.

I’m not writing this blog to say anything negative about the men and women who employ nannies. I know many women must work for a living (or want to work for a living, which I think is great). I am writing this because I think something is very wrong with the way these babysitters behave and I worry about the children they watch. There must be a better monitoring system. These women are paid good money – probably better than what I would make with my master’s degree. Why are we, as a society, allowing some of these people to get away with ignoring these kids?

Hold on. Before you jump in and tell me that stay-at-home moms do the same thing these nannies do, allow me to admit you are right. Partially. I have taken my girls shopping a million times, but when I do, I know exactly where they are. I state my rules before we go inside a mall or store and tell my girls they must always stay next to me. (I prefer to shop without them because keeping one eye on them is too hard.) I also talk on the cell phone as well, but, again, I also know my limitations and keep a very watchful eye. I'm nowhere near perfect, but I do the best I can, and trust me, it's a lot better than some of the babysitters I have seen.

The thing is, moms have a connection with their own children – a mother's instinct – that calls our name when something is wrong. We may not be in the same room but we know what they are doing.

So what are working moms and dads supposed to do? Are there monitoring groups or systems out there to help these people know their kids are safe when they are at work making a living?

I think there should be a neighborhood virtual nanny cam for moms and dads to use. A Web site, perhaps, where people in the town could post comments, such as, "Mom with two blond boys, age 4 and 5, named John and Ted. I saw your nanny at Woodland Park today and she had no idea where the boys were." Wouldn't you be grateful for such a valuable resource?

Photo by Sanja Gjenero, courtesy of stock.xchng