Allow Them To Learn

Man, do I get some good material for this blog while waiting for my kids to finish swimming lessons. Yesterday I was sitting in the waiting room when one mom and her kindergartener daughter sat at a nearby table. The girl was doing her reading, and I couldn’t help but listen to her as she struggled with almost every word on the page.

“The boy axed the man…” she began. I waited for the mother to say, “As-ked.” She never did. The girl repeated the word over and over and not once did the mom correct her. But whenever the girl got to a word she didn’t know, the mom would tell her.

I am not a teacher. I don’t have my certification (yet, but I'm working on it). But I am stuffed full of judgment and opinion and gee, do I have a few words to say about this lady.

Both my girls began reading at an early age. I’d love to take credit for this achievement but I can’t. Lily had an preternatural interest in letters and words and would write simple three-letter words as early as age 2. (Let's not forget her parents are both into writing, so that may have something to do with it.) By age 4 she was reading simple sentences and by the time she entered kindergarten she was able to read books by herself.

Aimee was not like Lily at all. She had no interest in words or letters when she was a toddler but she, too, began reading and writing before the age of 4. (I think the reason is two-fold; one, she had an older sister and noticed Mom spending a lot of time with her sister as she read, and two, she is in Montessori and they foster a love of reading and writing if the child shows an interest, which Aimee has.)

When both my girls wanted to read I went to the nearest parent-teacher store and bought BOB Books. For those of you unfamiliar with these books, they are sets for beginning readers. The first book begins with simple sentences that children can easily sound out themselves (kids must first know the sound each letter makes in order to do this). For instance, the first book is called Mat. Sentences include: Mat sat. Mac sat. Mat sat on Mac. Each book gets slightly more complex and each set is features new sounds and ideas. (Click here for the BOB Books Web site.)

I had to tailor how I read these books with my girls (or, rather, how they would read to me). Lily would look at the pictures and guess, so I had to cover the illustrations. She would then sound out the words and when she came to a word she didn’t know, I said, “Well, what do you think it is? Can you sound it out?” Eventually she would and she would feel really good about her achievement. Aimee, on the other hand, doesn’t look at the drawings until after she sounds out the words. She is not as quick at recognizing words as Lily was but her interest is less keen. Still, she has mastered two sets so far, and her drawings now come with words such as "I love Mom and Dad" all spelled correctly. (Hold on, I have to pat myself on the back for a second. Ouch. Okay. Thanks.)

I mention my girls not to brag (because who'll sit next to me if I do?) but, rather, to point out a difference. This mom was ruining a perfectly good chance at giving her child a lesson. Her daughter – who should reading at a better pace by now – was suffering at the simple words. (Mind you, I don’t know if she had a learning disability so I can’t judge fully, but I’m just using her as an example.) Rather than tell the child what each word was (and, come on, how exhausting is repeating every single word on the page?), why not say, “Let’s sound it out.”?

I know it is much easier sometimes to do things for your children, but doing so is much more harmful than helpful. How will a child learn? More importantly, how will a child develop the confidence to push further? If you are constantly correcting and helping the child, he or she will not learn.

So sit on your hands, bite your tongue and stop mothering, will you? Your kid will blossom as a result. I promise.

Image of Mat from BOB BOOKS