Setting Priorities

I took my girls to swimming lessons last Wednesday and found a seat in the waiting room until they finished (the swimming school they attend is ridiculously strict and doesn’t allow parents to watch until the last day of classes). While waiting I struck up a conversation with another mom, who was busily fiddling with her Blackberry. “Are you playing a game, too?” I asked, because I am addicted to Mahjong and play it on my iPhone all the time.

“No, I’m checking the weather in San Diego,” she said.

“Why, are you going there on vacation?” I asked.

“No, I’d like to move there,” she said.

We started talking about California (I'm originally from there) and this woman could recite almost every school system by rank across the country. Being a mom myself I could understand her obsession with good schools; we moved to our tiny hamlet simply to avoid having to pay for private school education. I surreptitiously checked her out while she spoke and she appeared normal: nothing fancy but not frumpy, either; her hair could have used a root touch-up; and she was probably 10 pounds overweight. (Trust me, I’m not judging – you should see what I look like these days.)

The shock, however, came when we walked back to the pool area together and met up with our kids. I usually meet my girls in the locker room because the second they get our of the pool they are freezing and want to warm up in the shower. So I didn’t notice her kids until after my kids were clean and ready to get dressed. I saw them because my own kids could not take their eyes off them.

Her children, a boy, about age 5 or 6, and a girl, about age 4 or 5, were morbidly obese. I’m not talking five pounds overweight, I’m talking 20. The girl resembled one of those headless statues in museums and had cellulite all over her body. She also had – I kid you not – very large breasts that hung down. The boy did, too, but to a lesser degree. Thankfully my girls said nothing, but their eyes said it all.

When my girls were finished getting dressed I said good-bye and we went out to dinner. I breathed a sigh of relief that my kids did not point fingers and ask questions.

At the table, Lily asked me, “Is this food healthy, Mom?” We were at a Japanese restaurant.

“Yes,” I said. “Reasonably healthy. The broccoli, carrots and edamame are healthy. If the rice were brown rice, it would also be healthy.”

“What about the chicken?” she asked.

“Well, it’s not bad, but the teriyaki sauce makes it less so,” I said. “The healthiest food is food we make at home because we know what we put into it and I make sure to use healthful ingredients.”

Lily brought up the kids we had just seen. I told her I felt very sorry for them. “Why?” she asked.

“Because it’s not their fault they are that big,” I said. “It’s their parent’s.”

I went on to explain how it’s the parent’s job to teach children how to eat healthfully, and that junk food is okay in moderation. “Why do you think I only let you have one or two treats a day?” I asked. “Because your body would not like it if all you ate was junk. Your heart would not beat properly, your blood would not flow well and you would feel bad. You also wouldn't grow properly. The reason you have to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables is because those types of foods help your body grow and work properly. ”

I was grateful for the opportunity to give an example of why I serve the foods I do, but felt sad about those kids. I think many parents give in to children's demands for food without doing the research. They give them sugar-filled cereal, sugary drinks or juice and preservative-filled cold cuts and think such items are fine as long as the kids are eating enough fruits and vegetables. But why offer those types of food when they could be happy with something like Grape Nuts and plain yogurt with honey, as my kids just ate this morning?

Pediatricians will tell you kids need to be introduced to foods 10 or 12 times before they will accept it. And a child's palate's changes as well. Lily, for instance, would not eat meatballs or sauce on her pasta for years. Then one day she announced, "Spaghetti and meatballs is my favorite." She also insisted I put the meatballs on the pasta, which was a no-no before. Aimee will try almost everything you put in front of her and has a more sophisticated palate, but she still hates anything to do with ground meat (hamburgers, meatballs, meatloaf, for instance, yet tacos make it under the radar for some reason).

I also explained to the girls that it was possible the kids they saw could have had a disease that prevented their bodies from being normal. “That’s why it’s important to respect others and never, ever make fun of them for looking different,” I said. “Because you never know why people look the way they do.”

They nodded and were silent for a bit.

“I’m glad you give us healthy food,” Lily said.

“Me too!” said Aimee.

Me three, I thought.

To read more about obesity and overweight children, and to learn how to prevent child obesity, click here. Portion control is also a key issue in establishing healthful eating habits, so click here to read more about that.

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