Frenemies

The older I get, the more inclined I am to prune negative people from my life. I pluck those folks from my friend list swiftly because people with a bad attitude affect me greatly; they pull me down to the depths of misery and I don’t seem to put up much of a fight while they smother me in negativity. So in order to keep a happy outlook (and my sanity), I try to surround myself with like-minded folks who enjoy life and who are genuinely happy for others.

Which is why I decided I can no longer be friends with one of the moms I befriended.

As readers of this blog know, I was supposed to go to Los Angeles to visit friends and attend a reunion for my old company. I was really excited about this trip and could not stop talking about it. Then God had a good ol’ belly laugh and struck me with a high fever, ear infection and sinus infection. I was so ill I had to cancel my trip.

So what does my trip have to do with my ex-friend? On Monday she handed me an invitation to her daughter’s party. I glanced down and saw it was for tomorrow, Saturday, which meant she gave me five days notice. I realized when she handed it to me, however, the invitation was a blessing in disguise. My husband was supposed to be caring for the girls and he was already trying to figure out how he would manage their swimming lessons (he did not want to take them into the men’s locker room, and Aimee is too young to shower in the women's room by herself). This party is taking place at the same time as swimming, so I said, “Just take them there and blow off the lessons.” He was relieved.

I mentioned to my so-called friend that my husband would be the one to take my kids to the party. “Why?” she asked.

“I’m going to Los Angeles,” I said. “I have a reunion.”

“Oh,” she said, nodding. I could almost see the jealousy arise in her face. “You’re a free woman, aren’t you?”

Now, I’m not exactly sure how I was supposed to take that, so I asked her, “What do you mean?”

“Well, didn’t you just go on a trip by yourself?” she asked. Her envy was almost palpable.

I thought for a moment and said, “You mean last May? When I went to my friend’s fortieth birthday party?”

“Yeah,” she said.

I just nodded. I couldn't believe she was keeping tally.

Then she asked, “How’s the weather out there now?”

“I don’t know about the end of the week, but it has been pouring rain for a few days,” I said.

“Good,” she said, snidely.

Her comment sealed the deal for me. Good? Good? You wish someone – wait, your friend? – bad weather on their trip?

I got really defensive and decided to tell her how I was really feeling. “You know, I’m already nervous about boarding a plane without my children, so I could have used a little encouragement.”

She just smiled and said, “Well, why do you think I never go anywhere without them?”

I didn’t answer. I know the reason. It has nothing to do with leaving her kids. Her husband does not lift one finger around the house. He would never care for the kids alone. He works late, leaves early, and dictates everything she does and says. I know this because she tells me.

I mentioned my conversation to my husband and he tried to defend her. “No, she didn’t mean it that way,” he said. “She was joking.”

I started to argue and then said, “Listen, you don’t know her.” I explained how negative she is, how she complains about her husband, children and life constantly, and how I’ve never once heard her say, “Oh, that’s so great,” about someone else’s good fortune.

I am not a jealous person. When something good – a promotion, a raise, a bonus, anything – happens to a friend of mine, I am genuinely happy for them. And I expect my friends to feel the same for me. I want people to say, “Good for you!” I am too old to hang around people who wish me an ill fate, and I refuse to be a supportive friend to someone who won’t be the same in kind.

So, I’m ending my friendship with this person. It’s not going to be easy, because our children are good friends, but I will try to figure out a way for them to see each other without having to spend much time with her.