Potty Power!

Our friends Heidi and Oliver called to ask my potty training tips, so I thought I would write a post on this subject. I figured, if they want to know, surely other people might want to as well.

The most important thing to remember here is you, as parents, are in charge. I hear all these stories about kids who “won’t poop on the potty” and refuse to even think of pooping until a parent puts a diaper on them. Um, duh. This tug-of-war is what is referred to as a power struggle, folks. So many moms tell me they just “had” to put a diaper (or pull-up) on the child because they were afraid the kid’s bowels would explode. Let me assure you that, as far as I know, no child has ever detonated from holding poop in. They may act like they are going to go off at any moment, but they won’t.

Now that we’ve determined who’s the boss, the next step is to pick a good time. Don’t make the mistake thinking summer is the only logical time because both my kids were potty trained in the dead of winter. Just pick a time when you will be home most days (a long weekend is fine) so you are close to the bathroom. I picked Christmas vacation for just that reason – we were home for a week and had nothing better to do.

Once you’ve established when, the third step is to prepare your child. Borrow books from the library such as “Once Upon A Potty” and “The Potty Book” (these are very annoying to read but the kids seem to love them) and read these to your kids every day. And, if you can, find the video “Potty Power!” The songs are dreadful, the music is painful, but both my kids were mesmerized by this video and it really seemed to resonate with them. After you read one of the stories say something like, “Tomorrow we’ll go to the store and you can pick out your very own underwear, too!” Do as promised and head to Target (or Wal-Mart or wherever) and buy several packages of underwear (you’ll know why I said several in a few minutes). Get your child really, really excited about wearing these underwear like the big kids do. Also, buy a large package of pull-ups and whatever you do, DO NOT call them diapers. In fact, if you can buy these when your child is not with you, all the better. I will get to pull-ups in a few moments.

When you get home, wash the underwear immediately so you have them ready the next morning. When your child wakes up, announce that today is the big day. “Today we’re throwing away your diapers and you’re going to wear underwear!” say with a huge smile. (Note: if your child is not a morning person, wait until after he or she is awake and alert to say this.) Don’t make the mistake of asking the child if he or she is ready. Remember, you’re the one in the driver’s seat here. Gather all those diapers with your child and carry them to the garbage can. Have your child throw them away and say, “Bye-bye diapers!” Bundle the garbage bag when he or she is done and throw it outside for the garbage man to pick it up. The point needs to be driven home that there are no more diapers allowed in the house.

Once your child is in the underwear, keep an eye on the clock. If your child has been able to keep her diapers dry for several hours at a time, then go to the bathroom every hour and a half to two hours. If not, go every hour. Don’t ever say, “Do you need to go potty?” If you do, you are allowing the child to say, “Nope.” Instead, use your parenting voice and say, “Time to go potty!” And take the child by the hand and put him or her on the potty. (Note: please do not waste your time getting one of those portable potties. First of all, yuck; you will only have to do double duty and clean that disgusting thing out. Instead, buy one of those little padded toilet seats for kids – they come with all kinds of fun characters and are small enough for kids to pick up and put on the toilet seat themselves. Plus, they are so much more hygienic. You can pick this up when you pick up the underwear because most Target, Wal-Mart and other such stores sell them in the baby section.) If your child just sits on the potty, try saying, “I can’t hear it!” and put a hand to your ear as if you’re waiting to hear the pee. If he or she goes, jump up and down, sing a song about the kid’s success and make a huge deal. Then, you can give a reward if you want, like a sticker or piece of candy. This is the one time I think bribing can be useful (Note: I didn’t use it with Aimee because she was so willing; if your kid is reluctant, this may be a good tool). If he or she refuses to pee, say, “Okay, no problem. Just let me know when you have to go potty.” Keep taking the child to the potty every hour or so and repeating this step. You can even hang the bribe over their head if you like, such as, “I have a whole pile of stickers waiting for you. They keep telling me they want you to have them as soon as you go potty. So when you go, you can pick the one you want most.” Or something to that effect.

Now, some kids will just poop and pee on the potty and some will only pee but not poop. Here’s where I talk about the several pairs of underwear. Some kids will poop in their underpants but not on the potty. Just throw them away; there is no sense in washing out poop and making your life hell. If they do this a lot, then do as John Rosemond says: let them run around without any underpants on. Make sure to roll up your rugs and gate off the areas you don’t want poop. Once a kid poops on the floor, he or she will not be as apt to do this again. And if he or she does poop (some moms are going to hate this advice): have him or her clean it up with you. No child will enjoy this task and if they say something, say, “I know, it’s yucky. I don’t want to clean it up either. That’s why if you feel you have to poop, you need to use the potty.” Do not ever scold a child for having an accident, and never say anything other than in a pleasant, happy tone (or, if you can’t muster up happy, just neutral). Any time your child has an accident, just say, “Oops, you had an accident. That’s all right. Where do we go pee and poop?” And have the child answer you. If they don’t, say, “On the potty, silly!” Remember, keep it light-hearted and don’t get stressed out. You haven’t seen a kid in kindergarten who isn’t potty trained, have you?

You may be wondering why I asked you to buy pull-ups. Many children do not have a mature bladder and therefore cannot go through the night or even through a nap without peeing. Therefore, you will need pull-ups for naps and nighttime until the child wakes up dry and/or shows he or she is ready. For the record, Aimee still needs a pull-up at night and she has been fully potty trained for six months. According to the pediatrician, children usually don’t make it through the night until at least six months after they are potty trained.

The key to pull-ups is to call them just that: pull-ups. If you call them diapers, it will only confuse your child because you just told him that he is too old for diapers and, hey, didn’t you just throw them away? Pull-ups are pull-ups and nothing more. If the child asks why he needs to wear them (as Aimee did), give simple explanation such as, “You’re still learning and as soon as you master using the potty, you won’t have to wear them anymore.”


Questions? I’m sure there are many, so feel free to write. But I’ll try and answer some that other moms have asked me:

1. How do I know if my child is ready?

I knew Aimee was ready because she would pull off her dirty, poopy diapers and drop them on the floor. Yuuuck. If your child hates being in a dirty diaper, tells you he or she pooped, or if they go someplace to hide when they poop, they are ready. Also, if they don’t like being looked at when they poop, they are ready. (Note: some people think that a child being dry for more than two hours at a time means she is ready; Aimee was not dry for those long periods because her bladder was not mature. However, she trained in a day.)

2. Shouldn’t boys be closer to age 3 to be potty trained?

Well, depends on the child. I honestly think that most kids are ready around 2 years or 2.5 years, but the parents aren’t ready until age 3. If your son is showing all the signs early, then do him (and yourself) a favor by training him. A child who is not potty trained past his third birthday has been done a horrible disservice.

I hope this helps those who are thinking of potty training but are too scared to try it. Remember, this can be a relatively easy process if you lead the way. Do not let child be the one to tell you if he or she has to use the bathroom until they have proved they are able to feel when they have to go. Usually, in about a week, they are used to using the potty and will start to say, “I have to go potty!” If they do this, you don’t need to bring them to the bathroom so often. And in about a month, when they have been going to the bathroom by themselves, you can be the judge as to whether or not they are able to be trusted if they say “No, I don’t have to go.” To avoid accidents, make sure to have your child go the bathroom before you leave the house and if they have been busy playing for more than an hour. Most kids will ignore the urge to pee or poop if they are in the middle of a game or at a play date. You be the timekeeper and tell them they must go. If they refuse to go before you leave, say, “That’s the rule. We all go potty before we leave the house.” Keep reading the books (and, if you want, watching the video) to reinforce what's happening in your house. Good luck!

Questions or comments? E-mail me at areluctantmom@yahoo.com